Lost In The Boonies

I've been wandering around lost in the boonies for awhile.  I've been driving the struggle bus.  I took a wrong turn and I've been having a terrible time finding my way back.  Is there any chance that you may be a fellow traveler?  The last few years have been a challenge.  Some blame COVID, some political unrest, some say its the economy....my problem...simply...life.  

In 2012 a year after my dad lost his five year battle with cancer and my oldest son graduated high school and joined the Marine Corp, I got my dream job!  Actually, I created my dream job.  I opened a coffee shop with one of my best friends.  We served fresh in house roasted coffee and sandwiches made on homemade bread, fresh hot cinnamon rolls and donuts and other delicious treats. 

Opening day we had people lined up around the block.  It was beautiful and exhausting.  Those first few weeks we worked twelve to fifteen hour days just trying to keep up.  It was all hands on deck, friends and family pitched in and helped.  It was such a happy, fulfilling time for us. We were more tired than we had ever been but also felt so blessed.

Three months  later the city began a project that tore out the sidewalk in front of our store, blocked of highway in front of us and only side street around us.  Our entrance was a construction zone and we were told by the health inspector we could not let customers enter through the back and come through the kitchen.  We had no idea this project was coming.  It lasted six months and that was just long enough for people to forget who we were.  We had a few loyal customers that stuck with us but we never really recovered.  

Five years later exhausted, broke and bitter we closed our doors and sold the business at a huge loss.  I struggled with knowing that I failed.  I had planned to grow old and grey making donuts and biscuits and gravy for all the customers I loved.....but God had other plans.  We sold the shop at a huge loss and I put those dreams away.  

I started subbing at school and soon I was asked if I might be interested in applying for a Special Education Paraprofessional job.  Indeed I would! I taught preschool for years and I loved being in the classroom.  I was paired with the most amazing young man and we became fast friends. During this time my mom's health began to decline life for my sisters and I consisted of taking mom to doctor visits, emergency rooms, and hospital stays.  There was a lot of speculation, several diagnosis but no help and no progress.  Mom was in constant debilitating pain.  In February she fell and broke her ankle ended up in ICU and less than a month later died of pancreatic cancer.  I remember the day they came in to tell us ..the same oncologist that five months earlier told me that her PCP was incorrect and "no one tells you your mom has cancer until I tell you your mom has cancer"....stood there telling us that mom was dying and nothing could be done except take her home and keep her comfortable.  

That night watching her sleep I thought..my mom is going to leave me..nothing is ever going to be the same again...and it was truly the saddest I had ever been.  I had no idea what would come later.  I had no idea how right I was.